The Highly Sensitive Person Part 1
Making sense of your sensitivity.
September 11th, 2023
Ben Olson
The Highly Sensitive Person Part 1
I believe in aristocracy… Not an aristocracy of power… but… of the sensitive, the considerate… Its members are to be found in all nations and classes, and all through the ages… there is a secret understanding between them when they meet. They represent the true human tradition, the one permanent victory of our queer race over cruelty and chaos. Thousands of them perish in obscurity, a few are great names. They are sensitive for others as well as themselves… considerate without being fussy, their pluck is not swankiness but the power to endure.
– E. M. Forster
Introduction
In the mid-1990s, Dr. Elaine Aron, along with her partner Arthur Aron, coined the term “Highly Sensitive Person” (HSP), marking the beginning of a transformative journey of self-discovery for many individuals. This collection of perceptual and behavioral traits represents a unique aspect of human nature, revealing a fascinating tapestry of sensitivities and insights that set HSPs apart. Throughout this essay, we will delve into the defining features of the HSP, exploring their abilities to detect subtle changes in their environment, perceive emotions with depth and precision, display high empathy, embrace introversion, and cope with emotional reactivity and overstimulation.
It is important to recognize that each Highly Sensitive Person is distinct, possessing a diverse combination of traits and reactions. Thus, while discussing the general characteristics of HSPs, it is essential to acknowledge the individual variations within this population. My aim in this exploration is to shed light on the common threads that unite HSPs, recognizing that their experiences may differ in nuanced and profound ways.
At its core, the concept of the Highly Sensitive Person revolves around a heightened sensitivity to the world around them, granting them a unique lens through which they interact with their surroundings. This heightened sensitivity can manifest in various ways, shaping how HSPs perceive and process information, emotions, and stimuli.
Throughout this essay, we will embark on a comprehensive journey into the world of the Highly Sensitive Person. By understanding and appreciating the intricacies of this trait, I hope to foster within you a deeper sense of self-understanding (assuming you are an HSP), and to equip you with the tools and lessons required to capitalize on your sensitivity whilst learning how to cope with its drawbacks.
Without further delay, let us begin.
Understanding Sensitivity: A Multifaceted Trait
At the heart of the Highly Sensitive Person lies a profound and singular capacity: greater depth of processing, which results in a heightened awareness of various stimuli and experiences. This sensitivity produces a complex amalgam of traits, encompassing the detection of stimuli, enhanced perception of detail, responsiveness, susceptibility to overstimulation, empathy, and emotionality.
First and foremost, sensitivity involves the capacity to detect and experience stimuli in the environment with heightened acuity, and to perceive said stimuli in greater detail. For the Highly Sensitive Person, perception extends beyond mere awareness, encompassing a profound appreciation of subtleties and nuances. Whether it be the subtle variations in a breathtaking sunset’s color gradient, the unspoken social cues in interpersonal interactions, the intricate melodies of individual instruments in music, or the multifaceted flavor profiles of food, the HSP is exceptionally adept at parsing out and analyzing the intricate details.
This acute perceptual ability is complemented by a tendency to think deeply about various aspects of life – HSPs tend to be philosophical. Similarly, the HSP does not merely respond impulsively but rather takes time to assess information thoroughly, making deliberate and cautious decisions. Although this thoughtful approach may require more time, the quality of decisions often proves to be higher, showcasing the benefits of the HSP’s contemplative, cautious, and introspective nature.
Such profound processing naturally leads to heightened responsiveness in both emotional and behavioral realms. Emotionally charged stimuli, such as movies, art, nature, stories, and poems, tend to evoke stronger emotional reactions in HSPs. Additionally, their behavioral responses may be expressed with great passion, enthusiasm, and expression.
However, this heightened sensitivity also renders HSPs more susceptible to overstimulation. They may become overwhelmed by loud noises, bright lights, large crowds, strong smells, or prolonged socializing. This overstimulation stems from the HSP’s tendency to process things more deeply, utilizing more cognitive resources and thus resulting in quicker exhaustion.
Another significant aspect of sensitivity lies in the realm of empathy. The Highly Sensitive Person possesses an exceptional ability to perceive and experience the emotions of others, demonstrating profound care and compassion towards fellow beings. This heightened empathy fosters a deeper connection to the emotions of others and enables them to offer genuine support and understanding.
Emotionality is an integral component of sensitivity. HSPs are more attuned to their own emotional experiences, often experiencing emotions with greater intensity and depth. This emotional richness can be both rewarding and challenging, as it allows for profound moments of joy and connection, but also exposes them to heightened vulnerability.
Understanding the multifaceted nature of sensitivity provides us with valuable insights into the world of the Highly Sensitive Person. By recognizing and appreciating these traits, HSPs can begin to cultivate a deeper sense of self-understanding and begin to make sense of their behavior. In the subsequent sections, we will further explore the various dimensions of the Highly Sensitive Person, unraveling the profound implications and potential of this extraordinary trait.
Understanding Stimulation
Stimulation constitutes an essential aspect of human experience, involving anything that excites the nervous system, leading to various physiological and emotional responses. For the Highly Sensitive Person, the response to stimulation can be particularly intense and profound. Stimulation may arise from external sources, such as sensory inputs like smells, sounds, and touches, or internal factors, such as thoughts, bodily sensations, or emotions. Recognizing the multifaceted nature of stimulation and its varying intensity is crucial in understanding the distinct experiences of HSPs.
At its core, stimulation involves waking up the nervous system and capturing its attention, evoking a cascade of electrical charges along the nerve pathways. While external stimuli are commonly associated with stimulation, it is crucial to acknowledge that it can also originate from within, such as physical discomforts, hunger, thirst, emotional responses, memories, thoughts, and fantasies.
The intensity of stimulation is influenced by a combination of factors, each contributing to the overall experience. First and foremost, the strength of the stimulus plays a significant role. For example, a loud noise, a pungent smell, or a powerful touch. Additionally, the duration of the stimulus plays a role; prolonged exposure to stimulation can lead to heightened responses and potential feelings of overwhelm – both in HSPs and non-HSPs alike.
Novelty also plays a role in the intensity of stimulation. New and unfamiliar stimuli are more likely to capture people’s attention, and this is especially true of HSPs due to their heightened ability to detect subtle changes in their environment. Conversely, familiar stimuli may not evoke the same level of intensity.
Moreover, the meaning ascribed to a stimulus can significantly impact its strength. Positive or negative associations with specific stimuli can amplify or diminish the intensity of our reactions. For instance, a sound associated with positive memories will likely be experienced differently than a sound associated with past trauma.
Lastly, the level of control over the stimulus can influence how individuals perceive and respond to it. When they feel in control, they may be more at ease and better equipped to manage the stimulation’s effects. Conversely, a lack of control or unpredictability may lead to heightened stress and anxiety.
For Highly Sensitive Persons, managing stimulation is a delicate dance. The world is a sensory-rich environment, constantly bombarding us with stimuli of varying intensity. Consequently, HSPs may need to adopt coping mechanisms to regulate their responses and prevent overstimulation. This may involve creating opportunities for breaks, seeking quiet spaces, and structuring opportunities for self-regulation. Additionally, HSPs would do well to recognize and respect their inherent need for alone time. We’ll delve into greater detail on how to effectively navigate the world as an HSP later on in this essay.
For HSPs, understanding the intricacies of stimulation in the context of high sensitivity is instrumental for architecting a life that enables them to utilize their unique gifts while buffering against the drawbacks of their trait. In the paragraphs that follow, we will learn how to lay down the infrastructure that allows HSPs to capitalize on their unique capacities.
What High Sensitivity Is Not: Dispelling Misconceptions
Before proceeding to the practicalities of living with high sensitivity, it is important to address what being an HSP is not:
1. Not Constantly Fearful, Anxious, or Sad: While HSPs may be more attuned to their environment and experience heightened responses, this sensitivity does not translate into perpetual fear, anxiety, or sadness. Fear and anxiety are merely two amongst a multitude of factors that can lead to heightened stimulation. For instance, consider when you see a beautiful woman. In this scenario, arousal is evoked by the perception of beauty, demonstrating that that stimulation extends beyond fear and anxiety.
2. Not Constantly Aroused: Being highly sensitive does not mean living in a perpetual state of heightened arousal. Instead, HSPs tend to become more aroused in response to novel, prolonged, or emotionally-charged stimulation.
3. Not Equivalent to Trait Neuroticism: High sensitivity is distinct from trait neuroticism. Whereas trait neuroticism indicates susceptibility to negative emotions and mental states, high sensitivity denotes enhanced depth of processing. While HSPs who have faced difficult childhoods are at greater risk of developing depression and anxiety, these experiences result from the interplay between trauma and a highly sensitive nervous system, and not an inborn predisposition to negative emotional states.
4. Not Synonymous with Fragility, Weakness, or Incompetence: Being highly sensitive does not imply fragility, weakness, or an inability to navigate challenges. HSPs possess their own unique strengths, resilience, and capacity to endure hardship, akin to anyone else. In fact, there is evidence to suggest that HSPs navigate extreme adversity more adeptly than non-HSPs. Consider the following from Viktor Frankl, himself an HSP:
“Sensitive people… may have suffered much pain [in the concentration camps] (they were often of a delicate constitution), but the damage to their inner selves was less. They were able to retreat… to a life of inner riches and spiritual freedom. Only in this way can one explain the apparent paradox that some prisoners of a less hardy make-up often seemed to survive camp life better than did those of a more robust nature.” – V. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
5. Does Not Determine Moral Character: Being highly sensitive does not inherently dictate one’s morality. While sensitivity shapes perception and processing, it does not define an individual’s ethical values or character. HSPs, like all individuals, possess their own moral compass, and their sensitivity is distinct from their moral constitution. In other words, HSPs have both virtuous and dark impulses – just like anyone else – and the degree to which a given HSP embodies virtue over darkness – or vice-versa – will differ from person to person.
With a firm grasp of what high sensitivity is and is not, we can begin to explore the qualities that naturally manifest in those with high sensitivity. Again, be mindful that there is significant variability amongst HSPs, and every individual will express a unique combination of the qualities listed below.
The Highly Sensitive Person: Common Traits
Highly Sensitive People exhibit a rich tapestry of traits that set them apart in their experience of the world. This collection of characteristics influences various aspects of their lives, interactions, and sense of self. If you suspect you are an HSP, go down this list and see which traits you recognize in yourself. If you have at least half of them, there’s a good chance you’re highly sensitive.
1. Social and Emotional Intelligence: HSPs often possess heightened social and emotional intelligence. Their sensitivity makes them more attuned to social and affective cues, enhancing their ability to read people. HSPs are often agreeable, tactful, and diplomatic.
2. Conscientiousness and Agreeableness: HSPs typically score higher in traits conscientiousness and agreeableness.
3. Preparation and Caution: HSPs often engage in thorough preparation. They can be slow to move, but often produce high quality outcomes due to their fastidiousness.
4. Introversion: An estimated 70% of HSPs are introverted.
5. Conflict Avoidance and Valuing Harmony: HSPs tend to strongly dislike conflict and confrontation, valuing peace and harmony in their interactions.
6. Need for Peace and Quiet: HSPs require peace and quiet in order to concentrate effectively, lower their arousal, reflect, and recharge.
7. Sensitivity to Clutter and Mess: Disorder and clutter can deeply bother HSPs. Often, therefore, HSPs are very clean and tidy.
8. Weak Performance Under Observation: Many HSPs do not perform well when being watched or evaluated.
9. Self-Consciousness and Sensitivity to Criticism: HSPs tend to be more self-conscious about their appearance and performing tasks in front of others. They may also be more sensitive to criticism.
10. Exaggerated Startle Response: HSPs commonly exhibit an exaggerated startle response – they’re “jumpy.”
11. Hypochondria and Heightened Sensitivity to Physical Symptoms: Some HSPs may be more sensitive to physical sensations in the body, which can sometimes be misinterpreted as health issues.
12. Strong Character and Ethical Values: As mentioned earlier, being highly sensitive does not make someone “good” or morally pure. However, HSPs often develop strong character due to the deep pain they experience when acting unscrupulously, as well as their natural inclination toward conscientiousness.
13. Sensitivity to Hunger: HSPs tend to become “hangry,” needing frequent, small meals throughout the day to maintain energy levels and stabilize their mood.
14. Philosophical: HSPs tend to be philosophical, pondering deep questions and valuing truth-seeking.
15. Analytical: HSPs consider the implications of things; they are often strategic, analytical, self-reflective, contemplative, and introspective.
16. Greater Need for Rest: Due to being over-stimulated, HSPs need more time to rest and recharge. This means more breaks throughout the work day, more alone time, more time to wind down in the evening, etc.
17. Self-Criticism and Self-Doubt: HSPs are often very self-critical and may experience more self-doubt than the average person.
18. Fall in Love Quickly: HSPs tend to fall in love quickly and deeply. If left unchecked, this can create issues in their love lives. More on that below.
19. Spiritual: HSPs possess strong spiritual inclinations. They often report powerful spiritual experiences and heightened awareness of the divine. Many HSPs actively seek spiritual development.
20. Prone to Embarrassment: Embarrassment lingers longer for HSPs and can lead to rumination.
21. High Empathy: HSPs are deeply affected by the emotions of others.
22. Perfectionism: HSPs frequently exhibit perfectionist tendencies.
23. Orderliness: HSPs often display high orderliness, cleanliness, and organizational skills.
24. Strong Resonance with Beauty and Emotionality: HSPs are deeply moved by beauty and emotionally-charged stimuli. HSPs are often moved to tears in response to movies, art, poetry, etc.
25. Deep Relationships: Though HSPs often have smaller social circles, their relationships tend to be characterized by greater depth and intimacy – higher trust, greater incidence of meaningful disclosure, love, etc.
26. Awareness of Life’s Brevity: HSPs maintain a deep awareness of the fleeting nature of life.
27. Responsible: Due to high trait conscientiousness, HSPs are often mindful of their duties and obligations. There is a strong desire to be virtuous. HSPs tend to hold their conduct to very high standards.
28. Attention to Detail: HSPs tend to be very detail-oriented, sometimes to the point of obsession.
29. Vivid Dreams: HSPs often experience vivid and intense dreams, nightmares.
30. Strange Fears: HSPs often have strange fears and phobias, especially in childhood.
31. Inventiveness and Creativity: HSPs frequently display higher inventiveness, imagination, and creativity.
32. Meta-Cognition: Many HSPs evaluate their own thinking – how their thinking affects them, the quality of their thinking, the implications of their conclusions, etc.
The Complexities of Being a Highly Sensitive Person: Exploring the Strengths
Possessing a highly sensitive nervous system bestows a tapestry of strengths and drawbacks, creating a unique set of parameters within which HSPs must learn to function. First we’ll explore the strengths, then the drawbacks.
One notable strength lies in their heightened sensitivity to social and affective cues, offering them the potential to excel socially. However, it’s important to acknowledge that many HSPs tend towards introversion, which can lead to underdeveloped social skills, resulting in social anxiety and isolation. For HSPs with a tendency to retreat inward, cultivating one’s social skills becomes pivotal. More on this later.
A second strength emerges from the profound impact of negative experiences on HSPs. While this attribute can be a double-edged sword, it becomes advantageous when channeled towards personal development. The discomfort of mediocrity propels them to strive for excellence, while their acute sensitivity to mistakes becomes a driving force for learning and growth.
Another strength inherent to HSPs is their heightened appreciation for beauty. Furthermore, HSPs tend to perceive beauty in the mundane – a blue sky, a tree in full bloom, flowers, and so forth. This grants HSPs access to a greater depth and richness in their everyday experience of life.
Within the realm of relationships, HSPs shine as romantic partners due to their high trait conscientiousness and agreeableness. These qualities give rise to an intuitive capacity for healthy communication, teamwork, and respect. Put another way, many HSPs possess an intuitive grasp of the dynamics that foster success in romantic relationships.
HSPs also possess a strong inclination towards self-reflection, producing a high degree of self-awareness, personal evolution, and a deeper understanding of their values, motivations, beliefs, and behavioral patterns. With self-reflection comes insight and expanded awareness, which HSPs are able to leverage for personal growth.
A remarkable strength is the HSP’s ability to discern subtle nuances and errors, lending them an edge in tasks requiring meticulous precision and attention to detail. Furthermore, their depth of processing contributes to their deep integration of knowledge. The HSPs aptitude for learning is an invaluable asset in personal development, given the sheer magnitude of research required in this work.
Sixth, HSPs, given their sensitivity, prioritize self-care. Because HSPs are more inclined to experience the negative effects of a poor diet, lack of sleep, and lack of exercise, prioritizing a healthy lifestyle is paramount to their sense of wellbeing.
In therapeutic settings, HSPs exhibit another strength — a greater capacity to derive benefit from therapy. HSPs are contemplative, insightful, and self-reflective – tools which enable them to leverage therapy more easily than others.
Eighth, HSPs tend to have higher verbal intelligence. They’re wired to learn language by virtue of their deeper processing. Ironically, overarousal often gets in the way of their ability to articulate what they want to say and they may have a penchant to stumble over their words.
The ninth strength highlights the wisdom and sound judgment frequently observed in HSPs. Often referred to as “old souls,” many HSPs possess a wealth of wisdom due to their thoughtful and contemplative nature, complemented by their innate conscientiousness.
These strengths collectively paint a vivid portrait of HSPs, showcasing their unique qualities and potential contributions across various spheres of life. As we continue to explore, we will uncover the intricacies and challenges that intertwine with these strengths, revealing the multifaceted nature of living with high sensitivity.
The Complexities of Being a Highly Sensitive Person: Exploring the Drawbacks
HSPs possess unique gifts that predispose them to higher empathy, deep introspection, and meticulous attention to detail. On the other hand, they also encounter unique challenges. We will now delve into the complexities and drawbacks associated with being an HSP, and in the following section, address how to navigate these challenges.
A central challenge for HSPs lies in their susceptibility to heightened emotional responses. Their heightened emotionality, while a source of depth and empathy, can also manifest as instability and reactivity. HSPs may find themselves easily offended and are often prone to rumination. If left unchecked, these tendencies can lead to emotional exhaustion, poorer mental health, and strained relationships. In addition, HSPs often grapple with the challenge of returning to emotional baseline following a distressing situation, leading to extended “low” periods that affect their mood and behavior.
For many HSPs, novelty presents unique challenges. The prospect of new experiences can trigger heightened arousal, often culminating in apprehension and fear. Though this is a normal response, the HSP experiences this fear far more profoundly and is at a significantly higher risk of withdrawing from the world. Particularly for those who have faced a childhood characterized by incompetent parenting, the prospect of venturing into uncharted territories can evoke overwhelming distress. This tendency to withdraw, if left unchecked, can lead to a pattern of avoidance, inhibiting personal growth and self-discovery. Consequently, HSPs may find themselves trapped in a cycle of rigidity, unwilling to embrace life due to a crippling fear of the unknown.
The desire to please others and an aversion to conflict are common characteristics of HSPs. While these traits can foster harmony and empathy, they can also cultivate an environment in which the individual’s own needs are overlooked. HSPs may experience heightened pain when disliked, spurring a strong desire for approval. This can compel HSPs to suppress feelings of anger, sadness, or frustration. Moreover, their inclination to avoid confrontation and say “yes” even when it is detrimental to their own interests can leave them vulnerable to exploitation and, ultimately, feelings of resentment.
The interplay of stress and adversity unveils another layer of vulnerability in HSPs. Their heightened sensitivity renders them more prone to stress and can magnify the impact of stressors that others may simply be able to shrug off.
Similarly, in relationships, HSPs often have a tendency to perceive tension and conflict when none is present, creating unnecessary inner turmoil and strain in their love lives and friendships.
A less tangible, though ever-present challenge faced by all HSPs is societal condemnation of sensitivity. Western society often views sensitivity as a weakness, perpetuating a sense of shame and guilt in HSPs. This stigma amplifies self-doubt and may cause HSPs to internalize a negative self-image. For this reason, HSPs often possess more limiting beliefs to work through than non-HSPs.
Being a highly Sensitive Person is a nuanced journey marked by a spectrum of strengths and drawbacks. While heightened sensitivity bestows the capacity for profound empathy, self-awareness, and deep connection with the world, it also presents unique challenges. From grappling with over-sensitivity and self-doubt to contending with the fear of new experiences and societal stigma, HSPs navigate a complex terrain that calls for strategies for self-care and growth. By recognizing and addressing these vulnerabilities, HSPs can harness the power of their sensitivity to shape a life that is rich, meaningful, and authentic. In the following section, we explore the practicalities of doing just that.
Navigating the Terrain: How to Approach Life as a Highly Sensitive Person
As a highly sensitive person, there are special considerations for structuring your life. The following paragraphs aim to provide a blueprint for how to build a life that enables you to capitalize on the strengths of high sensitivity while downplaying its drawbacks.
Learning Healthy Coping Strategies for Dealing with Stress:
Managing stress is pivotal for anyone, but for HSPs, it holds particular significance. Engaging in activities that promote relaxation and self-care, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, and mindfulness, can significantly alleviate the impact of stress. Note that different activities induce states of relaxation for different people. Sit down with a journal and consider what relaxes you. Choose one item from your list that you’d like to integrate into your life, and begin doing it every single day.
Deal with Trauma:
“My research results make it clear that HSPs who faced extreme difficulties in childhood and adolescence are going to be at a much greater risk for anxiety, depression, and suicide until they acknowledge their past as well as their trait and begin to heal their own wounds.” – Dr. Elaine Aaron
Addressing and healing from trauma is crucial for personal growth and well-being. HSPs might find traumas impact them more intensely, so seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, can provide invaluable tools for processing and healing past wounds. This process not only facilitates personal growth but also enhances emotional stability.
There are unique challenges for HSPs in therapy. Most therapists aren’t educated on high sensitivity and may, therefore, pathologize normal behaviour for an HSP – withdrawal, anxiety, depression, or irritability caused by overarousal. As an HSP, the first thing you want to do is familiarize yourself with your trait. This alone will provide relief because now you have an answer for why you are the way you are. From there, if therapy is needed, you want a therapist who, ideally, understands the trait and will help you reframe your past experiences through the lens of your sensitivity and guide you in learning how to live with your sensitivity.
A quick note about medication: If you decide to take medication to improve your mental health, start with the lowest possible dose. Remember that you’re highly sensitive! HSPs tend to react strongly to medications.
A quick note about deciding to go to therapy: If you’re on the fence about whether or not you need therapy, there’s a very simple test you can run: just be honest with yourself about whether you think you need it or not. If you think you need it, get it. If you believe your childhood was hard, go to therapy.
Practice Lifestyle Minimalism
Are you overscheduled? Do you have little-to-no downtime? As an HSP, such a lifestyle is likely unsustainable. Sit down and determine ways to simplify your life. If you work 12 hours a day to sustain your lifestyle, you may need to trim your costs to acquire more downtime. Remember: HSPs are more prone to burnout. You can’t be productive if your nervous system is fried. Sit down with a pen and paper, write down your weekly schedule, and identify what can be removed or at least reduced. Once you’ve identified what you can change, create a plan and execute it.
Do Shadow Work
Shadow work is the process of integrating various aspects of our unconscious – what we’ve denied and repressed in ourselves. How to do shadow work is beyond the scope of this essay, but you can begin with David Richo’s book Shadow Dance.
Be More Extroverted
Most HSPs are temperamentally introverted. If this describes you, it will be paramount for you to socialize. Go clubbing. Hit up bars. Befriend people who enjoy going out and go out with them. This will be very uncomfortable for many of you, so start slow. Start by going out once per week – Friday or Saturday night, and gradually increase it to 3 times a week. Getting comfortable in a variety of social settings is crucial for optimal functioning – not just as an HSP, but for everyone. If your social skills are poor, and you’re not sure how to make new connections, start with an app like Meetup. It may also benefit you to read books on social skills, such as the timeless classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you choose to study social theory, remember this: socializing is not a spectator sport. The only way to get better at socializing is to do it. Use the books to augment your practice, not replace it.
Note: Some HSPs have the opposite problem: they go out too often. The key is to find a balance between time out in the world and time in for oneself. Remember that this balance is dynamic, always in a state of flux. Sometimes, you’ll need to be out more than in, or vice-versa. For those HSPs who spend too much time out in the world, schedule time for rest and recreation.
Hang Out With People Who Are Less Sensitive
This dovetails nicely with developing our extroversion. Inevitably, we are influenced by those we spend time with, and by hanging out with people who aren’t as sensitive as you, you may notice they help balance you out.
Get Assertiveness Training:
HSPs are often highly agreeable and, therefore, are reluctant to stand up for their needs, wants, and values. Many HSPs avoid confrontation and displays of aggression due to the discomfort such interactions bring (this is something I struggle with). Yet the capacity to tap into this aspect of ourselves is crucial for optimal wellbeing. If we allow others to disrespect us, violate our boundaries, or take advantage of us, we will become bitter, angry, and resentful. Internalizing these negative emotions leads to mental and physical illness, inappropriate outbursts, and a lack of self-respect. Take it from someone who struggles with this: When you justifiably stand up for yourself, you will feel really good afterward. Bite the bullet and cultivate your capacity for controlled aggression. If this is very daunting for you, seek assertiveness training.
Develop a Thicker Skin
While embracing your sensitivity is crucial, cultivating emotional resilience is also essential. Being an HSP is not an excuse to retreat from the world or avoid personal pursuits. Instead, it’s an opportunity to harness your sensitivity while maintaining emotional stability. Building a “thick skin” over time involves facing challenges, experiencing diverse emotions, and learning to handle them constructively. This process enables you to navigate the world with confidence and centeredness, unburdened by emotional reactivity. An excellent way for HSPs to develop emotional resilience is to employ the principles espoused in exposure therapy.
Do What Scares You
A pivotal step for highly sensitive people is facing their fears and engaging with the world, especially in situations outside their comfort zone. For those who tend to withdraw and become excessively reclusive, pushing past these boundaries will produce some of your most profound growth.
Fix Your Attachment Style
Moving toward secure attachment is crucial for those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles. I’ll have an episode on attachment theory in the future, but for now, if you’d like to work on your attachment style, you can start here.
Harness the Gifts of Being an HSP:
Recognizing the inherent gifts of being an HSP is a powerful step towards empowerment. Your heightened empathy, deep intuition, and capacity for creative expression are invaluable assets. Utilizing these qualities enriches your own life and allows you to positively impact the lives of those around you. Embracing and cultivating these strengths will help you navigate the world with greater ease.
Learn How to Process Your Emotions
For a detailed guide on processing strong emotions, click here.
Develop Conscious Friendships
Developing friendships characterized by trust, love, and vulnerability will provide a safe space for you to express and process intense emotions. Developing such relationships is a deep topic beyond the scope of this essay, but I will release an episode on this in the future. If you want to get started, begin with some Google searches and see where the research takes you.
Take Really Good Care of Yourself
Your body is a temple. Treat it as such. Clean up and optimize your diet. Begin exercising 3-4 times per week. Get at least 7 hours of sleep every night. Drink lots of water. Meditate. Get out into nature. Take time to relax. Get a hobby you love. If you smoke, quit.
When beginning your health journey, choose one thing at a time. Otherwise, you’ll spread yourself too thin, experience overwhelm, and quit.
Reframe Your Sensitivity as a Gift
In the West, there exists a stigma around sensitivity, which can undermine an HSP’s sense of self-worth. Keep in mind that society is, by and large, ignorant of the unique gifts bestowed upon you by your trait. In light of the unique strengths you bring to the table, you can reframe your sensitivity as a gift. This will dramatically improve your self-image and, with it, your emotional and psychological wellbeing. Multiple reframing exercises can be found in Dr. Elaine Aron’s book, The Highly Sensitive Person.
Have a Nighttime Routine
For many HSPs, sleep is challenging. Creating a nighttime routine that helps you wind down is crucial. Engage in activities that calm your mind, such as meditation, journaling, or soothing music. Time to think and reflect is also beneficial. Create a tranquil environment conducive to rest by minimizing sensory stimuli. Often, silence is very helpful.
As an aside, scheduling multiple breaks throughout the day can be very helpful for HSPs.
Study the Distinction Between Proactivity and Reactivity
Proactivity vs. reactivity is a foundational topic in self-help. To be reactive is to act in a knee-jerk fashion in response to our emotions, such as allowing our anger to devolve into yelling and screaming. Conversely, proactivity is being aware of our feelings as they arise and then making a conscious decision about what behaviours we wish to carry out. For instance, you notice anger arising and choose to remove yourself from the situation to calm down.
Everyone can benefit from enhancing their capacity for proactivity, and this applies especially to HSPs. Due to their stronger emotional responses, it is crucial for HSPs to cultivate their ability to respond (be proactive) as opposed to being unconsciously reactive.
Get Into Nature
Self-explanatory. Walk in the woods. Get to the country. Go hiking. Expose yourself to nature. Time in nature – especially green spaces – has been shown to enhance wellbeing and calm the nervous system.
Schedule Time for Seclusion
As an HSP, you need alone time. Make sure you schedule this into your day.
Live in a Quiet Neighbourhood
Away from busy streets, partying neighbours, schools, etc.
Curate the Sounds and Sights in Your Home
Incorporate subtle, pleasant sounds such as music, fountains, etc. Make your home beautiful.
Remove Triggers
Keep a journal for a month and write down anything that triggers significant distress and over-arousal. Make a plan to systematically remove, minimize, or at the very least cope with each item on the list. Focus on one thing at a time.
Cut All Toxic Relationships
Extricate yourself from all relationships characterized by abuse, deception, co-dependence, etc. I’ll have an episode on this topic in the future.
Clarify Your Threshold for Stimulation and Live Within It
Develop a clear understanding of how much stimulation you can handle before you feel overwhelmed. Structure your environment and routine to stay within this threshold. Ideally, you also want to structure your work life to remain within this threshold. Consider the type of work you do, your work environment, your work hours, and the people you work with.
Note: Through trial and error, construct an environment and routine that provides optimal arousal – not too much to avoid over-arousal, yet not too little to prevent boredom. This will look different for different people.
Develop a Spiritual Practice
Includes meditation, contemplation, prayer, yoga, etc. Expect episodes on these in the future.
Make Time for Play and Recreation
Play has been shown to reduce stress. Figure out what forms of recreation you enjoy and incorporate them into your life.
Seek Refuge in Your Containers
In her book, Dr. Aron speaks of containers – safe spaces that HSPs can retreat to in order to experience calm and recharge. Containers can be physical locations (e.g. the forest), relational (e.g. friends, family, or partner), or intangible (e.g. work, memories, and thinking exercises).
At the top of a piece of paper, write the following question: What containers do I have in my life? Generate a list of physical, relational, and intangible containers. Determine how you can integrate each one into your life.
Note: The intangible containers are of particular value because they can be accessed wherever you are. Choose an intangible container if you only choose one container from your list.
Communicate Over-Arousal
Effective communication plays a vital role in managing overstimulation as an HSP. If you’re over-aroused or anticipate over-arousal, it’s beneficial to communicate this to those who may be affected by your behaviour. Proactively sharing your feelings and needs can create understanding and support in your relationships, preventing misunderstandings and unnecessary stress.
Make Use of Medication… Cautiously
If your over-arousal becomes debilitating, medications like anti-anxiety and anti-depressants can be considered as a temporary measure to regain control. However, it’s crucial to approach medication with caution and under medical supervision. Anti-anxiety medications, such as Valium or Xanax, have high addiction potential and may cause organ damage. Anti-depressants, while not addictive, can be challenging to discontinue. It’s wise to discuss a strategy with your doctor before a crisis emerges because once you’re in crisis, making level-headed choices becomes next to impossible. If you believe a mental health crisis could occur, talk to your doctor beforehand about medical interventions related to your sensitivity. If your doctor isn’t educated on high sensitivity, you can explain the trait and recommend Dr. Aron’s book if they’re open to it.
Additionally, prior to taking medication, it may be wise to explore non-medical interventions, such as breathing exercises, nature walks, music, meditation, physical intimacy (such as being held and comforted by a loved one), or natural remedies like chamomile, lavender, calcium, and magnesium.
Check Your Tendency to Fall in Love Too Quickly
Many HSPs fall in love hard and fast. This is a sure-fire way to turn most people off. Love, for most people, develops gradually over the course of two or three months. If you attempt to move things along too quickly, the likely outcome will be rejection. If you’re in love, don’t bottle it up forever, but don’t go dropping the L word two weeks into dating them, either. As a general rule, give it two or three months. If you want to bring it up after the second or third month, go ahead and let them know how you feel.
Conclusion: Reframing Your Sensitivity
There is a pervasive negative sentiment in the West towards sensitive people. You may have been exposed to messaging and treatment from others that made you feel bad about who you are and, consequently, may have internalized a negative self-image that undermined your self-esteem. If this happened to you, remember this:
As societies advanced, the most successful of these societies had two groups in the upper echelons – the warrior/kingly class and the priestly/advisory class, much in like you have a president and a cabinet.
The kings, warriors, and presidents tend to be aggressive, expansionistic, and outward-looking – significant assets for facilitating the growth and progress of a society.
On the other hand, the advisors are more thoughtful, foresighted, and wise. The advisors are there to check the impulses of warriors and kings. And because these advisors are often correct in their wisdom, they hold a place of high respect. These are the people that the leaders come to for guidance.
Think about that.
For this reason, the advisory class is highly respected – the teachers, philosophers, counsellors, therapists, strategists, scholars, and agents of justice. If you are highly sensitive, you are part of this group. You are part of the group the kings go to to keep themselves in check.
The thing is, in order to embody these roles and use these gifts, we need to feel good about ourselves. Use this insight as a springboard for improving your self-image. Consult the guide on navigating the world as a highly sensitive person and build your self-esteem. Take it one step at a time.
To quote Dr. Aron: “You were born to be among the advisors and thinkers, the spiritual leaders of your society. There is every reason for pride.”
Now, the work begins. You have everything you need to get started. How far you go is up to you.
Sources
The Highly Sensitive Person – Dr. Elaine Aron
https://www.verywellmind.com/highly-sensitive-persons-traits-that-create-more-stress-4126393
https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rstb.2017.0161
https://www.thieme-connect.de/products/ejournals/pdf/10.4103/0976-3147.98314.pdf
https://eprints.whiterose.ac.uk/166003/3/ADHD_sensory_adhd_rev_2020_b.pdf
September 11th, 2023
Ben Olson
The Highly Sensitive Person
I believe in aristocracy… Not an aristocracy of power… but… of the sensitive, the considerate… Its members are to be found in all nations and classes, and all through the ages… there is a secret understanding between them when they meet. They represent the true human tradition, the one permanent victory of our queer race over cruelty and chaos. Thousands of them perish in obscurity, a few are great names. They are sensitive for others as well as themselves… considerate without being fussy, their pluck is not swankiness but the power to endure.
– E. M. Forster
Introduction
In the mid-1990s, Dr. Elaine Aron, along with her partner Arthur Aron, coined the term “Highly Sensitive Person” (HSP), marking the beginning of a transformative journey of self-discovery for many individuals. This collection of perceptual and behavioral traits represents a unique aspect of human nature, revealing a fascinating tapestry of sensitivities and insights that set HSPs apart. Throughout this essay, we will delve into the defining features of the HSP, exploring their abilities to detect subtle changes in their environment, perceive emotions with depth and precision, display high empathy, embrace introversion, and cope with emotional reactivity and overstimulation.
It is important to recognize that each Highly Sensitive Person is distinct, possessing a diverse combination of traits and reactions. Thus, while discussing the general characteristics of HSPs, it is essential to acknowledge the individual variations within this population. My aim in this exploration is to shed light on the common threads that unite HSPs, recognizing that their experiences may differ in nuanced and profound ways.
At its core, the concept of the Highly Sensitive Person revolves around a heightened sensitivity to the world around them, granting them a unique lens through which they interact with their surroundings. This heightened sensitivity can manifest in various ways, shaping how HSPs perceive and process information, emotions, and stimuli.
Throughout this essay, we will embark on a comprehensive journey into the world of the Highly Sensitive Person. By understanding and appreciating the intricacies of this trait, I hope to foster within you a deeper sense of self-understanding (assuming you are an HSP), and to equip you with the tools and lessons required to capitalize on your sensitivity whilst learning how to cope with its drawbacks.
Without further delay, let us begin.
Understanding Sensitivity: A Multifaceted Trait
At the heart of the Highly Sensitive Person lies a profound and singular capacity: greater depth of processing, which results in a heightened awareness of various stimuli and experiences. This sensitivity produces a complex amalgam of traits, encompassing the detection of stimuli, enhanced perception of detail, responsiveness, susceptibility to overstimulation, empathy, and emotionality.
First and foremost, sensitivity involves the capacity to detect and experience stimuli in the environment with heightened acuity, and to perceive said stimuli in greater detail. For the Highly Sensitive Person, perception extends beyond mere awareness, encompassing a profound appreciation of subtleties and nuances. Whether it be the subtle variations in a breathtaking sunset’s color gradient, the unspoken social cues in interpersonal interactions, the intricate melodies of individual instruments in music, or the multifaceted flavor profiles of food, the HSP is exceptionally adept at parsing out and analyzing the intricate details.
This acute perceptual ability is complemented by a tendency to think deeply about various aspects of life – HSPs tend to be philosophical. Similarly, the HSP does not merely respond impulsively but rather takes time to assess information thoroughly, making deliberate and cautious decisions. Although this thoughtful approach may require more time, the quality of decisions often proves to be higher, showcasing the benefits of the HSP’s contemplative, cautious, and introspective nature.
Such profound processing naturally leads to heightened responsiveness in both emotional and behavioral realms. Emotionally charged stimuli, such as movies, art, nature, stories, and poems, tend to evoke stronger emotional reactions in HSPs. Additionally, their behavioral responses may be expressed with great passion, enthusiasm, and expression.
However, this heightened sensitivity also renders HSPs more susceptible to overstimulation. They may become overwhelmed by loud noises, bright lights, large crowds, strong smells, or prolonged socializing. This overstimulation stems from the HSP’s tendency to process things more deeply, utilizing more cognitive resources and thus resulting in quicker exhaustion.
Another significant aspect of sensitivity lies in the realm of empathy. The Highly Sensitive Person possesses an exceptional ability to perceive and experience the emotions of others, demonstrating profound care and compassion towards fellow beings. This heightened empathy fosters a deeper connection to the emotions of others and enables them to offer genuine support and understanding.
Emotionality is an integral component of sensitivity. HSPs are more attuned to their own emotional experiences, often experiencing emotions with greater intensity and depth. This emotional richness can be both rewarding and challenging, as it allows for profound moments of joy and connection, but also exposes them to heightened vulnerability.
Understanding the multifaceted nature of sensitivity provides us with valuable insights into the world of the Highly Sensitive Person. By recognizing and appreciating these traits, HSPs can begin to cultivate a deeper sense of self-understanding and begin to make sense of their behavior. In the subsequent sections, we will further explore the various dimensions of the Highly Sensitive Person, unraveling the profound implications and potential of this extraordinary trait.
Understanding Stimulation
Stimulation constitutes an essential aspect of human experience, involving anything that excites the nervous system, leading to various physiological and emotional responses. For the Highly Sensitive Person, the response to stimulation can be particularly intense and profound. Stimulation may arise from external sources, such as sensory inputs like smells, sounds, and touches, or internal factors, such as thoughts, bodily sensations, or emotions. Recognizing the multifaceted nature of stimulation and its varying intensity is crucial in understanding the distinct experiences of HSPs.
At its core, stimulation involves waking up the nervous system and capturing its attention, evoking a cascade of electrical charges along the nerve pathways. While external stimuli are commonly associated with stimulation, it is crucial to acknowledge that it can also originate from within, such as physical discomforts, hunger, thirst, emotional responses, memories, thoughts, and fantasies.
The intensity of stimulation is influenced by a combination of factors, each contributing to the overall experience. First and foremost, the strength of the stimulus plays a significant role. For example, a loud noise, a pungent smell, or a powerful touch. Additionally, the duration of the stimulus plays a role; prolonged exposure to stimulation can lead to heightened responses and potential feelings of overwhelm – both in HSPs and non-HSPs alike.
Novelty also plays a role in the intensity of stimulation. New and unfamiliar stimuli are more likely to capture people’s attention, and this is especially true of HSPs due to their heightened ability to detect subtle changes in their environment. Conversely, familiar stimuli may not evoke the same level of intensity.
Moreover, the meaning ascribed to a stimulus can significantly impact its strength. Positive or negative associations with specific stimuli can amplify or diminish the intensity of our reactions. For instance, a sound associated with positive memories will likely be experienced differently than a sound associated with past trauma.
Lastly, the level of control over the stimulus can influence how individuals perceive and respond to it. When they feel in control, they may be more at ease and better equipped to manage the stimulation’s effects. Conversely, a lack of control or unpredictability may lead to heightened stress and anxiety.
For Highly Sensitive Persons, managing stimulation is a delicate dance. The world is a sensory-rich environment, constantly bombarding us with stimuli of varying intensity. Consequently, HSPs may need to adopt coping mechanisms to regulate their responses and prevent overstimulation. This may involve creating opportunities for breaks, seeking quiet spaces, and structuring opportunities for self-regulation. Additionally, HSPs would do well to recognize and respect their inherent need for alone time. We’ll delve into greater detail on how to effectively navigate the world as an HSP later on in this essay.
For HSPs, understanding the intricacies of stimulation in the context of high sensitivity is instrumental for architecting a life that enables them to utilize their unique gifts while buffering against the drawbacks of their trait. In the paragraphs that follow, we will learn how to lay down the infrastructure that allows HSPs to capitalize on their unique capacities.
What High Sensitivity Is Not: Dispelling Misconceptions
Before proceeding to the practicalities of living with high sensitivity, it is important to address what being an HSP is not:
1. Not Constantly Fearful, Anxious, or Sad: While HSPs may be more attuned to their environment and experience heightened responses, this sensitivity does not translate into perpetual fear, anxiety, or sadness. Fear and anxiety are merely two amongst a multitude of factors that can lead to heightened stimulation. For instance, consider when you see a beautiful woman. In this scenario, arousal is evoked by the perception of beauty, demonstrating that that stimulation extends beyond fear and anxiety.
2. Not Constantly Aroused: Being highly sensitive does not mean living in a perpetual state of heightened arousal. Instead, HSPs tend to become more aroused in response to novel, prolonged, or emotionally-charged stimulation.
3. Not Equivalent to Trait Neuroticism: High sensitivity is distinct from trait neuroticism. Whereas trait neuroticism indicates susceptibility to negative emotions and mental states, high sensitivity denotes enhanced depth of processing. While HSPs who have faced difficult childhoods are at greater risk of developing depression and anxiety, these experiences result from the interplay between trauma and a highly sensitive nervous system, and not an inborn predisposition to negative emotional states.
4. Not Synonymous with Fragility, Weakness, or Incompetence: Being highly sensitive does not imply fragility, weakness, or an inability to navigate challenges. HSPs possess their own unique strengths, resilience, and capacity to endure hardship, akin to anyone else. In fact, there is evidence to suggest that HSPs navigate extreme adversity more adeptly than non-HSPs. Consider the following from Viktor Frankl, himself an HSP:
“Sensitive people… may have suffered much pain [in the concentration camps] (they were often of a delicate constitution), but the damage to their inner selves was less. They were able to retreat… to a life of inner riches and spiritual freedom. Only in this way can one explain the apparent paradox that some prisoners of a less hardy make-up often seemed to survive camp life better than did those of a more robust nature.” – V. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
5. Does Not Determine Moral Character: Being highly sensitive does not inherently dictate one’s morality. While sensitivity shapes perception and processing, it does not define an individual’s ethical values or character. HSPs, like all individuals, possess their own moral compass, and their sensitivity is distinct from their moral constitution. In other words, HSPs have both virtuous and dark impulses – just like anyone else – and the degree to which a given HSP embodies virtue over darkness – or vice-versa – will differ from person to person.
With a firm grasp of what high sensitivity is and is not, we can begin to explore the qualities that naturally manifest in those with high sensitivity. Again, be mindful that there is significant variability amongst HSPs, and every individual will express a unique combination of the qualities listed below.
The Highly Sensitive Person: Common Traits
Highly Sensitive People exhibit a rich tapestry of traits that set them apart in their experience of the world. This collection of characteristics influences various aspects of their lives, interactions, and sense of self. If you suspect you are an HSP, go down this list and see which traits you recognize in yourself. If you have at least half of them, there’s a good chance you’re highly sensitive.
1. Social and Emotional Intelligence: HSPs often possess heightened social and emotional intelligence. Their sensitivity makes them more attuned to social and affective cues, enhancing their ability to read people. HSPs are often agreeable, tactful, and diplomatic.
2. Conscientiousness and Agreeableness: HSPs typically score higher in traits conscientiousness and agreeableness.
3. Preparation and Caution: HSPs often engage in thorough preparation. They can be slow to move, but often produce high quality outcomes due to their fastidiousness.
4. Introversion: An estimated 70% of HSPs are introverted.
5. Conflict Avoidance and Valuing Harmony: HSPs tend to strongly dislike conflict and confrontation, valuing peace and harmony in their interactions.
6. Need for Peace and Quiet: HSPs require peace and quiet in order to concentrate effectively, lower their arousal, reflect, and recharge.
7. Sensitivity to Clutter and Mess: Disorder and clutter can deeply bother HSPs. Often, therefore, HSPs are very clean and tidy.
8. Weak Performance Under Observation: Many HSPs do not perform well when being watched or evaluated.
9. Self-Consciousness and Sensitivity to Criticism: HSPs tend to be more self-conscious about their appearance and performing tasks in front of others. They may also be more sensitive to criticism.
10. Exaggerated Startle Response: HSPs commonly exhibit an exaggerated startle response – they’re “jumpy.”
11. Hypochondria and Heightened Sensitivity to Physical Symptoms: Some HSPs may be more sensitive to physical sensations in the body, which can sometimes be misinterpreted as health issues.
12. Strong Character and Ethical Values: As mentioned earlier, being highly sensitive does not make someone “good” or morally pure. However, HSPs often develop strong character due to the deep pain they experience when acting unscrupulously, as well as their natural inclination toward conscientiousness.
13. Sensitivity to Hunger: HSPs tend to become “hangry,” needing frequent, small meals throughout the day to maintain energy levels and stabilize their mood.
14. Philosophical: HSPs tend to be philosophical, pondering deep questions and valuing truth-seeking.
15. Analytical: HSPs consider the implications of things; they are often strategic, analytical, self-reflective, contemplative, and introspective.
16. Greater Need for Rest: Due to being over-stimulated, HSPs need more time to rest and recharge. This means more breaks throughout the work day, more alone time, more time to wind down in the evening, etc.
17. Self-Criticism and Self-Doubt: HSPs are often very self-critical and may experience more self-doubt than the average person.
18. Fall in Love Quickly: HSPs tend to fall in love quickly and deeply. If left unchecked, this can create issues in their love lives. More on that below.
19. Spiritual: HSPs possess strong spiritual inclinations. They often report powerful spiritual experiences and heightened awareness of the divine. Many HSPs actively seek spiritual development.
20. Prone to Embarrassment: Embarrassment lingers longer for HSPs and can lead to rumination.
21. High Empathy: HSPs are deeply affected by the emotions of others.
22. Perfectionism: HSPs frequently exhibit perfectionist tendencies.
23. Orderliness: HSPs often display high orderliness, cleanliness, and organizational skills.
24. Strong Resonance with Beauty and Emotionality: HSPs are deeply moved by beauty and emotionally-charged stimuli. HSPs are often moved to tears in response to movies, art, poetry, etc.
25. Deep Relationships: Though HSPs often have smaller social circles, their relationships tend to be characterized by greater depth and intimacy – higher trust, greater incidence of meaningful disclosure, love, etc.
26. Awareness of Life’s Brevity: HSPs maintain a deep awareness of the fleeting nature of life.
27. Responsible: Due to high trait conscientiousness, HSPs are often mindful of their duties and obligations. There is a strong desire to be virtuous. HSPs tend to hold their conduct to very high standards.
28. Attention to Detail: HSPs tend to be very detail-oriented, sometimes to the point of obsession.
29. Vivid Dreams: HSPs often experience vivid and intense dreams, nightmares.
30. Strange Fears: HSPs often have strange fears and phobias, especially in childhood.
31. Inventiveness and Creativity: HSPs frequently display higher inventiveness, imagination, and creativity.
32. Meta-Cognition: Many HSPs evaluate their own thinking – how their thinking affects them, the quality of their thinking, the implications of their conclusions, etc.
The Complexities of Being a Highly Sensitive Person: Exploring the Strengths
Possessing a highly sensitive nervous system bestows a tapestry of strengths and drawbacks, creating a unique set of parameters within which HSPs must learn to function. First we’ll explore the strengths, then the drawbacks.
One notable strength lies in their heightened sensitivity to social and affective cues, offering them the potential to excel socially. However, it’s important to acknowledge that many HSPs tend towards introversion, which can lead to underdeveloped social skills, resulting in social anxiety and isolation. For HSPs with a tendency to retreat inward, cultivating one’s social skills becomes pivotal. More on this later.
A second strength emerges from the profound impact of negative experiences on HSPs. While this attribute can be a double-edged sword, it becomes advantageous when channeled towards personal development. The discomfort of mediocrity propels them to strive for excellence, while their acute sensitivity to mistakes becomes a driving force for learning and growth.
Another strength inherent to HSPs is their heightened appreciation for beauty. Furthermore, HSPs tend to perceive beauty in the mundane – a blue sky, a tree in full bloom, flowers, and so forth. This grants HSPs access to a greater depth and richness in their everyday experience of life.
Within the realm of relationships, HSPs shine as romantic partners due to their high trait conscientiousness and agreeableness. These qualities give rise to an intuitive capacity for healthy communication, teamwork, and respect. Put another way, many HSPs possess an intuitive grasp of the dynamics that foster success in romantic relationships.
HSPs also possess a strong inclination towards self-reflection, producing a high degree of self-awareness, personal evolution, and a deeper understanding of their values, motivations, beliefs, and behavioral patterns. With self-reflection comes insight and expanded awareness, which HSPs are able to leverage for personal growth.
A remarkable strength is the HSP’s ability to discern subtle nuances and errors, lending them an edge in tasks requiring meticulous precision and attention to detail. Furthermore, their depth of processing contributes to their deep integration of knowledge. The HSPs aptitude for learning is an invaluable asset in personal development, given the sheer magnitude of research required in this work.
Sixth, HSPs, given their sensitivity, prioritize self-care. Because HSPs are more inclined to experience the negative effects of a poor diet, lack of sleep, and lack of exercise, prioritizing a healthy lifestyle is paramount to their sense of wellbeing.
In therapeutic settings, HSPs exhibit another strength — a greater capacity to derive benefit from therapy. HSPs are contemplative, insightful, and self-reflective – tools which enable them to leverage therapy more easily than others.
Eighth, HSPs tend to have higher verbal intelligence. They’re wired to learn language by virtue of their deeper processing. Ironically, overarousal often gets in the way of their ability to articulate what they want to say and they may have a penchant to stumble over their words.
The ninth strength highlights the wisdom and sound judgment frequently observed in HSPs. Often referred to as “old souls,” many HSPs possess a wealth of wisdom due to their thoughtful and contemplative nature, complemented by their innate conscientiousness.
These strengths collectively paint a vivid portrait of HSPs, showcasing their unique qualities and potential contributions across various spheres of life. As we continue to explore, we will uncover the intricacies and challenges that intertwine with these strengths, revealing the multifaceted nature of living with high sensitivity.
The Complexities of Being a Highly Sensitive Person: Exploring the Drawbacks
HSPs possess unique gifts that predispose them to higher empathy, deep introspection, and meticulous attention to detail. On the other hand, they also encounter unique challenges. We will now delve into the complexities and drawbacks associated with being an HSP, and in the following section, address how to navigate these challenges.
A central challenge for HSPs lies in their susceptibility to heightened emotional responses. Their heightened emotionality, while a source of depth and empathy, can also manifest as instability and reactivity. HSPs may find themselves easily offended and are often prone to rumination. If left unchecked, these tendencies can lead to emotional exhaustion, poorer mental health, and strained relationships. In addition, HSPs often grapple with the challenge of returning to emotional baseline following a distressing situation, leading to extended “low” periods that affect their mood and behavior.
For many HSPs, novelty presents unique challenges. The prospect of new experiences can trigger heightened arousal, often culminating in apprehension and fear. Though this is a normal response, the HSP experiences this fear far more profoundly and is at a significantly higher risk of withdrawing from the world. Particularly for those who have faced a childhood characterized by incompetent parenting, the prospect of venturing into uncharted territories can evoke overwhelming distress. This tendency to withdraw, if left unchecked, can lead to a pattern of avoidance, inhibiting personal growth and self-discovery. Consequently, HSPs may find themselves trapped in a cycle of rigidity, unwilling to embrace life due to a crippling fear of the unknown.
The desire to please others and an aversion to conflict are common characteristics of HSPs. While these traits can foster harmony and empathy, they can also cultivate an environment in which the individual’s own needs are overlooked. HSPs may experience heightened pain when disliked, spurring a strong desire for approval. This can compel HSPs to suppress feelings of anger, sadness, or frustration. Moreover, their inclination to avoid confrontation and say “yes” even when it is detrimental to their own interests can leave them vulnerable to exploitation and, ultimately, feelings of resentment.
The interplay of stress and adversity unveils another layer of vulnerability in HSPs. Their heightened sensitivity renders them more prone to stress and can magnify the impact of stressors that others may simply be able to shrug off.
Similarly, in relationships, HSPs often have a tendency to perceive tension and conflict when none is present, creating unnecessary inner turmoil and strain in their love lives and friendships.
A less tangible, though ever-present challenge faced by all HSPs is societal condemnation of sensitivity. Western society often views sensitivity as a weakness, perpetuating a sense of shame and guilt in HSPs. This stigma amplifies self-doubt and may cause HSPs to internalize a negative self-image. For this reason, HSPs often possess more limiting beliefs to work through than non-HSPs.
Being a highly Sensitive Person is a nuanced journey marked by a spectrum of strengths and drawbacks. While heightened sensitivity bestows the capacity for profound empathy, self-awareness, and deep connection with the world, it also presents unique challenges. From grappling with over-sensitivity and self-doubt to contending with the fear of new experiences and societal stigma, HSPs navigate a complex terrain that calls for strategies for self-care and growth. By recognizing and addressing these vulnerabilities, HSPs can harness the power of their sensitivity to shape a life that is rich, meaningful, and authentic. In the following section, we explore the practicalities of doing just that.
Navigating the Terrain: How to Approach Life as a Highly Sensitive Person
As a highly sensitive person, there are special considerations for structuring your life. The following paragraphs aim to provide a blueprint for how to build a life that enables you to capitalize on the strengths of high sensitivity while downplaying its drawbacks.
Learning Healthy Coping Strategies for Dealing with Stress:
Managing stress is pivotal for anyone, but for HSPs, it holds particular significance. Engaging in activities that promote relaxation and self-care, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, and mindfulness, can significantly alleviate the impact of stress. Note that different activities induce states of relaxation for different people. Sit down with a journal and consider what relaxes you. Choose one item from your list that you’d like to integrate into your life, and begin doing it every single day.
Deal with Trauma:
“My research results make it clear that HSPs who faced extreme difficulties in childhood and adolescence are going to be at a much greater risk for anxiety, depression, and suicide until they acknowledge their past as well as their trait and begin to heal their own wounds.” – Dr. Elaine Aaron
Addressing and healing from trauma is crucial for personal growth and well-being. HSPs might find traumas impact them more intensely, so seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, can provide invaluable tools for processing and healing past wounds. This process not only facilitates personal growth but also enhances emotional stability.
There are unique challenges for HSPs in therapy. Most therapists aren’t educated on high sensitivity and may, therefore, pathologize normal behaviour for an HSP – withdrawal, anxiety, depression, or irritability caused by overarousal. As an HSP, the first thing you want to do is familiarize yourself with your trait. This alone will provide relief because now you have an answer for why you are the way you are. From there, if therapy is needed, you want a therapist who, ideally, understands the trait and will help you reframe your past experiences through the lens of your sensitivity and guide you in learning how to live with your sensitivity.
A quick note about medication: If you decide to take medication to improve your mental health, start with the lowest possible dose. Remember that you’re highly sensitive! HSPs tend to react strongly to medications.
A quick note about deciding to go to therapy: If you’re on the fence about whether or not you need therapy, there’s a very simple test you can run: just be honest with yourself about whether you think you need it or not. If you think you need it, get it. If you believe your childhood was hard, go to therapy.
Practice Lifestyle Minimalism
Are you overscheduled? Do you have little-to-no downtime? As an HSP, such a lifestyle is likely unsustainable. Sit down and determine ways to simplify your life. If you work 12 hours a day to sustain your lifestyle, you may need to trim your costs to acquire more downtime. Remember: HSPs are more prone to burnout. You can’t be productive if your nervous system is fried. Sit down with a pen and paper, write down your weekly schedule, and identify what can be removed or at least reduced. Once you’ve identified what you can change, create a plan and execute it.
Do Shadow Work
Shadow work is the process of integrating various aspects of our unconscious – what we’ve denied and repressed in ourselves. How to do shadow work is beyond the scope of this essay, but you can begin with David Richo’s book Shadow Dance.
Be More Extroverted
Most HSPs are temperamentally introverted. If this describes you, it will be paramount for you to socialize. Go clubbing. Hit up bars. Befriend people who enjoy going out and go out with them. This will be very uncomfortable for many of you, so start slow. Start by going out once per week – Friday or Saturday night, and gradually increase it to 3 times a week. Getting comfortable in a variety of social settings is crucial for optimal functioning – not just as an HSP, but for everyone. If your social skills are poor, and you’re not sure how to make new connections, start with an app like Meetup. It may also benefit you to read books on social skills, such as the timeless classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you choose to study social theory, remember this: socializing is not a spectator sport. The only way to get better at socializing is to do it. Use the books to augment your practice, not replace it.
Note: Some HSPs have the opposite problem: they go out too often. The key is to find a balance between time out in the world and time in for oneself. Remember that this balance is dynamic, always in a state of flux. Sometimes, you’ll need to be out more than in, or vice-versa. For those HSPs who spend too much time out in the world, schedule time for rest and recreation.
Hang Out With People Who Are Less Sensitive
This dovetails nicely with developing our extroversion. Inevitably, we are influenced by those we spend time with, and by hanging out with people who aren’t as sensitive as you, you may notice they help balance you out.
Get Assertiveness Training:
HSPs are often highly agreeable and, therefore, are reluctant to stand up for their needs, wants, and values. Many HSPs avoid confrontation and displays of aggression due to the discomfort such interactions bring (this is something I struggle with). Yet the capacity to tap into this aspect of ourselves is crucial for optimal wellbeing. If we allow others to disrespect us, violate our boundaries, or take advantage of us, we will become bitter, angry, and resentful. Internalizing these negative emotions leads to mental and physical illness, inappropriate outbursts, and a lack of self-respect. Take it from someone who struggles with this: When you justifiably stand up for yourself, you will feel really good afterward. Bite the bullet and cultivate your capacity for controlled aggression. If this is very daunting for you, seek assertiveness training.
Develop a Thicker Skin
While embracing your sensitivity is crucial, cultivating emotional resilience is also essential. Being an HSP is not an excuse to retreat from the world or avoid personal pursuits. Instead, it’s an opportunity to harness your sensitivity while maintaining emotional stability. Building a “thick skin” over time involves facing challenges, experiencing diverse emotions, and learning to handle them constructively. This process enables you to navigate the world with confidence and centeredness, unburdened by emotional reactivity. An excellent way for HSPs to develop emotional resilience is to employ the principles espoused in exposure therapy.
Do What Scares You
A pivotal step for highly sensitive people is facing their fears and engaging with the world, especially in situations outside their comfort zone. For those who tend to withdraw and become excessively reclusive, pushing past these boundaries will produce some of your most profound growth.
Fix Your Attachment Style
Moving toward secure attachment is crucial for those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles. I’ll have an episode on attachment theory in the future, but for now, if you’d like to work on your attachment style, you can start here.
Harness the Gifts of Being an HSP:
Recognizing the inherent gifts of being an HSP is a powerful step towards empowerment. Your heightened empathy, deep intuition, and capacity for creative expression are invaluable assets. Utilizing these qualities enriches your own life and allows you to positively impact the lives of those around you. Embracing and cultivating these strengths will help you navigate the world with greater ease.
Learn How to Process Your Emotions
For a detailed guide on processing strong emotions, click here.
Develop Conscious Friendships
Developing friendships characterized by trust, love, and vulnerability will provide a safe space for you to express and process intense emotions. Developing such relationships is a deep topic beyond the scope of this essay, but I will release an episode on this in the future. If you want to get started, begin with some Google searches and see where the research takes you.
Take Really Good Care of Yourself
Your body is a temple. Treat it as such. Clean up and optimize your diet. Begin exercising 3-4 times per week. Get at least 7 hours of sleep every night. Drink lots of water. Meditate. Get out into nature. Take time to relax. Get a hobby you love. If you smoke, quit.
When beginning your health journey, choose one thing at a time. Otherwise, you’ll spread yourself too thin, experience overwhelm, and quit.
Reframe Your Sensitivity as a Gift
In the West, there exists a stigma around sensitivity, which can undermine an HSP’s sense of self-worth. Keep in mind that society is, by and large, ignorant of the unique gifts bestowed upon you by your trait. In light of the unique strengths you bring to the table, you can reframe your sensitivity as a gift. This will dramatically improve your self-image and, with it, your emotional and psychological wellbeing. Multiple reframing exercises can be found in Dr. Elaine Aron’s book, The Highly Sensitive Person.
Have a Nighttime Routine
For many HSPs, sleep is challenging. Creating a nighttime routine that helps you wind down is crucial. Engage in activities that calm your mind, such as meditation, journaling, or soothing music. Time to think and reflect is also beneficial. Create a tranquil environment conducive to rest by minimizing sensory stimuli. Often, silence is very helpful.
As an aside, scheduling multiple breaks throughout the day can be very helpful for HSPs.
Study the Distinction Between Proactivity and Reactivity
Proactivity vs. reactivity is a foundational topic in self-help. To be reactive is to act in a knee-jerk fashion in response to our emotions, such as allowing our anger to devolve into yelling and screaming. Conversely, proactivity is being aware of our feelings as they arise and then making a conscious decision about what behaviours we wish to carry out. For instance, you notice anger arising and choose to remove yourself from the situation to calm down.
Everyone can benefit from enhancing their capacity for proactivity, and this applies especially to HSPs. Due to their stronger emotional responses, it is crucial for HSPs to cultivate their ability to respond (be proactive) as opposed to being unconsciously reactive.
Get Into Nature
Self-explanatory. Walk in the woods. Get to the country. Go hiking. Expose yourself to nature. Time in nature – especially green spaces – has been shown to enhance wellbeing and calm the nervous system.
Schedule Time for Seclusion
As an HSP, you need alone time. Make sure you schedule this into your day.
Live in a Quiet Neighbourhood
Away from busy streets, partying neighbours, schools, etc.
Curate the Sounds and Sights in Your Home
Incorporate subtle, pleasant sounds such as music, fountains, etc. Make your home beautiful.
Remove Triggers
Keep a journal for a month and write down anything that triggers significant distress and over-arousal. Make a plan to systematically remove, minimize, or at the very least cope with each item on the list. Focus on one thing at a time.
Cut All Toxic Relationships
Extricate yourself from all relationships characterized by abuse, deception, co-dependence, etc. I’ll have an episode on this topic in the future.
Clarify Your Threshold for Stimulation and Live Within It
Develop a clear understanding of how much stimulation you can handle before you feel overwhelmed. Structure your environment and routine to stay within this threshold. Ideally, you also want to structure your work life to remain within this threshold. Consider the type of work you do, your work environment, your work hours, and the people you work with.
Note: Through trial and error, construct an environment and routine that provides optimal arousal – not too much to avoid over-arousal, yet not too little to prevent boredom. This will look different for different people.
Develop a Spiritual Practice
Includes meditation, contemplation, prayer, yoga, etc. Expect episodes on these in the future.
Make Time for Play and Recreation
Play has been shown to reduce stress. Figure out what forms of recreation you enjoy and incorporate them into your life.
Seek Refuge in Your Containers
In her book, Dr. Aron speaks of containers – safe spaces that HSPs can retreat to in order to experience calm and recharge. Containers can be physical locations (e.g. the forest), relational (e.g. friends, family, or partner), or intangible (e.g. work, memories, and thinking exercises).
At the top of a piece of paper, write the following question: What containers do I have in my life? Generate a list of physical, relational, and intangible containers. Determine how you can integrate each one into your life.
Note: The intangible containers are of particular value because they can be accessed wherever you are. Choose an intangible container if you only choose one container from your list.
Communicate Over-Arousal
Effective communication plays a vital role in managing overstimulation as an HSP. If you’re over-aroused or anticipate over-arousal, it’s beneficial to communicate this to those who may be affected by your behaviour. Proactively sharing your feelings and needs can create understanding and support in your relationships, preventing misunderstandings and unnecessary stress.
Make Use of Medication… Cautiously
If your over-arousal becomes debilitating, medications like anti-anxiety and anti-depressants can be considered as a temporary measure to regain control. However, it’s crucial to approach medication with caution and under medical supervision. Anti-anxiety medications, such as Valium or Xanax, have high addiction potential and may cause organ damage. Anti-depressants, while not addictive, can be challenging to discontinue. It’s wise to discuss a strategy with your doctor before a crisis emerges because once you’re in crisis, making level-headed choices becomes next to impossible. If you believe a mental health crisis could occur, talk to your doctor beforehand about medical interventions related to your sensitivity. If your doctor isn’t educated on high sensitivity, you can explain the trait and recommend Dr. Aron’s book if they’re open to it.
Additionally, prior to taking medication, it may be wise to explore non-medical interventions, such as breathing exercises, nature walks, music, meditation, physical intimacy (such as being held and comforted by a loved one), or natural remedies like chamomile, lavender, calcium, and magnesium.
Check Your Tendency to Fall in Love Too Quickly
Many HSPs fall in love hard and fast. This is a sure-fire way to turn most people off. Love, for most people, develops gradually over the course of two or three months. If you attempt to move things along too quickly, the likely outcome will be rejection. If you’re in love, don’t bottle it up forever, but don’t go dropping the L word two weeks into dating them, either. As a general rule, give it two or three months. If you want to bring it up after the second or third month, go ahead and let them know how you feel.
Conclusion: Reframing Your Sensitivity
There is a pervasive negative sentiment in the West towards sensitive people. You may have been exposed to messaging and treatment from others that made you feel bad about who you are and, consequently, may have internalized a negative self-image that undermined your self-esteem. If this happened to you, remember this:
As societies advanced, the most successful of these societies had two groups in the upper echelons – the warrior/kingly class and the priestly/advisory class, much in like you have a president and a cabinet.
The kings, warriors, and presidents tend to be aggressive, expansionistic, and outward-looking – significant assets for facilitating the growth and progress of a society.
On the other hand, the advisors are more thoughtful, foresighted, and wise. The advisors are there to check the impulses of warriors and kings. And because these advisors are often correct in their wisdom, they hold a place of high respect. These are the people that the leaders come to for guidance.
Think about that.
For this reason, the advisory class is highly respected – the teachers, philosophers, counsellors, therapists, strategists, scholars, and agents of justice. If you are highly sensitive, you are part of this group. You are part of the group the kings go to to keep themselves in check.
The thing is, in order to embody these roles and use these gifts, we need to feel good about ourselves. Use this insight as a springboard for improving your self-image. Consult the guide on navigating the world as a highly sensitive person and build your self-esteem. Take it one step at a time.
To quote Dr. Aron: “You were born to be among the advisors and thinkers, the spiritual leaders of your society. There is every reason for pride.”
Now, the work begins. You have everything you need to get started. How far you go is up to you.
Sources
The Highly Sensitive Person – Dr. Elaine Aron
https://www.verywellmind.com/highly-sensitive-persons-traits-that-create-more-stress-4126393
https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rstb.2017.0161
https://www.thieme-connect.de/products/ejournals/pdf/10.4103/0976-3147.98314.pdf
https://eprints.whiterose.ac.uk/166003/3/ADHD_sensory_adhd_rev_2020_b.pdf
3 thoughts on “The Highly Sensitive Person”
Love it
What a thought provoking, knowledge-rich essay. There is much to unpack in what you wrote, requiring multiple reads, but some great pointers that can be actioned immediately.
Thank you Ben.
Thanks for reading, Randi 🙂